Communicating in Your Child’s Love Language

Every child has their own personality and their own way of expressing themselves. In the book, Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman, it has been discussed what are the 5 basic love languages of our children. I think it is important that we found out what is the primary love language of each of our kids so we are certain that we are communicating our love to them more efficiently, right?

The five love languages that Gary Chapman discussed are:

  • Words of Affirmation. People need to hear compliments. Simple “thank you” or “you look wonderful today” is important to this people.
  • Quality Time. People equate love with spending time with them like listening to them, walking, talking and the likes.
  • Physical Touch. People need to be hugged, touched, or sit close together.
  • Receiving Gifts. People need to receive thoughtful, not necessarily expensive, gifts.
  • Acts of Service. People receive love through acts of service like fixing the bed, preparing a meal for them or doing a chore for them.

For adults, it is easy to determine. But for children, we would need to spend some time in studying the habits of our kids. So how can you tell your child’s primary love language? Here are Chapman’s suggestions:

  • Observe how your child expresses love to you.

    Watch your child; he may well be speaking his own language. This is particularly true of a young child, who is very likely to express love to you in the language he desires most to receive.

  • Observe how your child expresses love to others.
    If your child loves to make crafts for relatives or friends this may indicate that her primary love language is Gifts
  • Listen to what your child requests most often.
    If your child often asks questions like “How do I look, Mommy?”, “What do you think of my drawing?”, or “Did you think I did well at practice today?”, this pattern may indicate that his love language is Words of Affirmation.
  • Notice what your child most frequently complains about.
    If you child complaints that “You never have time for me”, “Why don’t you play games with me?”, or “We never do things together” , it would be indicative of the need for Quality Time.
  • Give your child a choice between two options.
    Chapman and Campbell suggests to ask your child to make choices between two love language. For example, “I have some free time Saturday. Would you like me to fix your bike, or would you rather go to the park together and shoot some hoops?”. The choice is between Acts of Service and Quality Time.

    “As you give options for several weeks, keep a record of your child’s choices. If most of them tend to cluster around one of the five love languages, you have likely discovered which one makes your child feel most loved. At times, your child will not want either option, and will suggest something else. You should keep a record of those requests also, since they may give you clues.”

    I am still determining the love language of my kids. How about you?

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  1. right! this is good stuff. my baby boy, since he’s still an infant, i can see that he shows his affection through kissing and touching. that’s one sweet mode of communication, i think!

  2. this is really very helpful, Chris! you made me analyze my children’s own love languages…and helped me a lot in understanding them easier. congrats!

  3. blessedmom says

    Oh, i love this entry mommy chris! very very interesting! 🙂

    have a happy weekend with your family 🙂

  4. onlinemommy says

    Thanks for dropping by.

    Very informative article 🙂 My daughter cannot talk in sentences yet hehehe… but I noticed that she always want me to sit or lie down beside her.

    I will take time to observe her to identify her love language. I will also share this to my husband 🙂

    Thanks and God Bless.

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