Divorce Dynamics: Keeping Your Family Intact and Happy

imageGoing through a divorce can create a fair amount of emotional turmoil and if you don’t take steps to limit the damage to your family, it can leave a mental scar that is hard to heal.

Lawyers like slatergordon.co.uk have plenty of experience of being in the frontline and helping their clients organize a divorce settlement, but for those of us caught up in the personal battle, it can be stressful trying to keep your kids feeling safe and secure when the family dynamic is changing.

Avoid negativity

One of the most important bits of advice to take on board if you are trying to keep your family as together as possible despite going through a divorce, is to avoid any temptation to make any negative comments about your ex-partner.

There are bound to be moments of extreme anger and upset during divorce negotiations, but if your child hears a number of disparaging comments and insults about a person that they still love as much as ever, this can affect their relationship with the other parent and even upset your relationship with them.

Avoid any temptation to let your frustration and anger, as this will put your child in the middle, which is not what any wants.

Keep the love

The big message that you need to keep in mind is that spouses end up divorcing each other and not their children, so nothing should change in terms of keeping that love going and making sure your children feel as loved as much as before the divorce.

You need to reassure your child that your love for them will not diminish in any way whatsoever, despite the fact that the family unit is being broken up.

Responsible co-parenting

One of the most difficult things to agree on and arrange is a suitable co-parenting agreement.

Children can be badly affected by a divorce if they end up feeling like they are causing friction between their parents or think that they are being a burden because there are arguments over the co-parenting arrangements.

It never works if you try to use children as any sort of emotional bargaining chip, so find a way to communicate that works for both parents, so that you can co-parent your children without them feeling stressed about the discussions.

The importance of a regular routine

One of the most important ways of ensuring that the emotional damage to children during a divorce is kept to a minimum, is to try and maintain their normal routine.

Children seek reassurance in normality, and following the same school pick-up routine and meal times will help them to stay a bit calmer and less stressed, during what is a difficult time in their life.

What you are ultimately trying to do is to provide your children with as much reassurance as possible, that life will carry on as normal as possible despite the obvious change that has occurred in the family unit.

Ava Moore has worked as a relationship and divorce therapist for more years than she would care to admit! She writes about relationships and divorce for lifestyle blogs.

Image source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/127478577@N02/16246527741/sizes/m/

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