Brokenness to Wholeness

“Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Do you have a deep longing in your heart? Are you looking for a love that completes you? Are you looking for satisfaction? Let me share my story with you. 

Growing up, I had a complete family, everything I needed was provided and my life wasn’t at all difficult.  I did fairly well in school, I never got into any sort of trouble but inside, something in me was broken. I felt unloved, incomplete and broken. I was always looking for love and appreciation – from my family, from my friends and from boys. Eventually, I realized that nothing satisfies. I still felt sad and empty.

Then I met Christ, and I was amazed by the fact that He really loves me. In  my imperfections, He accepted me and even gave His own life for me. It was a love that completed me and revealed who I really was. For the first time, I actually felt what it was  like to be loved wholeheartedly and to have joy and  peace in my heart. 

Since then, Christ has been my true north, my one true love. My anchor as I sail on this journey. There are days that storms come, when I suddenly feel inadequate and broken, but as Christ reminds me how I am now His, I press on forward, because I know He is there and that, is enough for me. I am now whole in Him. 

Reflecting on My Chinese Heritage

Coming from a Chinese family, I was excited to hear that there was a movie coming out about the Chinese culture. The last one I remembered watching was The Joy Luck Club which came out 1993.  I was happy to watch something that showcased a culture that not everyone understands and something I can totally relate with.

I haven’t read the book Crazy Rich Asians so I didn’t know what to expect aside from the summary I read over the internet a few days back. I knew it was a romantic comedy and that the characters were Chinese.

As I was watching the movie, I caught myself agreeing with some of the scenes and explaining how similar it was to my own family. Though our family isn’t rich like the Youngs, the Chinese family really puts emphasis on marrying “kai-ki-lang”, our own sort of people. There was also the unwritten rule of sacrificing for your family and putting self-happiness and passion aside. Though we never had dumplings, there was a lot of mahjong growing up. I watched my own “ah-ma’ and “ang-kong” play it with their relatives and friends all the time.

I am quite thankful that my family has somehow evolved over time – and now that I have a family of my own, I must remember to share with them the culture and the family heritage that we have so that my children will appreciate what they now have and be mindful of not taking their life for granted.

 

 

As We Finish Our 8th Year of Homeschooling…

Homeschooling for the past 8 years, there are days that I think I know what I am doing but then, there are days that I am not sure if I have done enough. After all these years, if there is one thing I have learned – homeschooling is not for the faint hearted. It is a daily commitment. Just like our relationship with our Lord Jesus Christ.

We chose to homeschool our children because we believe in intentional parenting. The only way to influence our young children was to spend time with them and be there with them in their daily activities. I remember thinking that this is the legacy I want to leave my children – that I love them and that we have many memories together as a family.

Now that my children are older, I can finally see the fruits of our early homeschooling years. They have a love of learning, they are inquisitive and they know that God is in-control of everything. I certainly pray that they will always pursue the Lord and develop a deep and abiding relationship with Christ as they continue to grow in their faith.

We have just finished our school year. In a few days, they will be presenting their portfolio to their Family Advisor. It is time to be grateful for the year that has been. This year has not been an easy one – as I have been too busy with activities outside the home. Though I am still thankful for all that we have learned and for the perseverance the children has started to develop.

As I pray, re-evaluate and plan for our next school year, I look forward to what God has in store for us. May we all grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Could You Be Messiah

It was the year 1991, I was walking along the school grounds and feeling sad. I felt lonely and that no one really cared for me. But there was a song that kept playing in head- it was Gary Valenciano’s Could You Be Messiah?

The lyrics felt like it was a prayer straight from my heart. It was asking God if He was really there and if He really cared for me? As a 14 year old teenager, it was a very emotional time for me and sensing that God was there for me meant a lot. Indeed, I was deeply touched by His unwavering love for me.

Fast forward to year 2018, yesterday while I was listening to the preaching, the song was played and we were asked to reflect on our lives and if Jesus really is our messiah. I listened intently and read the lyrics as it was flashed on the screen. My memories of 1991 flashed back and allowed me to see – that it doesn’t matter if we are a new Christian or a long time one. Our need for a messiah is the same. I had an overwhelming sense of His presence and I just wanted to be there with the Lord. I didn’t want the moment to end.

I am grateful that He has always been there. Truly, he is my precious one. He is my messiah.

Is He yours too?

“Now I’ve been looking for someone like You
And I’m so tired, I’m tired
I’ve read every book and I’ve sang every song

My mind maybe right but my heart feels so wrong
Tell me how much further can my life go along
Which way do the roads lead where do I belong…

Are You forgiver
Of my most unknown secrets
Provider of all that I need

Could You be brother
The one who knows better
Would You now stand in the lead

When all this is over all the thunder and lightning
In the daylight just what will I see
The answers to my questions to all of my questions

Could You be Messiah to me”

 

Lyrics from Gary Valenciano’s Could You Be Messiah

My 3 Fs for 2018

SIMPLIFY was the word for 2017 but unfortunately, as I evaluate the year that has been. I have not been able to SIMPLIFY life in several areas. Though I have simplified our home by decluttering consistently, I feel like I have not been successful in simplifying my schedule.  I unexpectedly have more people to meet both for work and for ministry which led me to have no peace over where my life was headed.

Before the year ended, I had a divine appointment with Pastor Tony Yeo of Covenant Evangelical Free Church from Singapore. I was actually praying and contemplating how I want my 2018 to be. He shared 3 Fs that will serve as my guide for 2018.

FOCUS. Ask the Lord what He wants you to focus upon in ministry, in work and in life. What is that one thing that the Lord wants me to do? I need to realize that there are several things that I can do in my current age but am I building a life of depth? a life which would leave a legacy as I age?

FAMILY. Spend more time with the family especially as the children are growing up. In the teenage years, as they become more independent, it is essential that I spend more time with them. Days can pass by rather quickly and soon enough, the children will be starting their own life.

FAITH.  Think BIG because our God is BIG and CAPABLE and trust Him.

I am committing my 2018 to God – may He go before me every day.