Stay Organized While Planning Your Wedding

One of the primary things that can make you feel overwhelmed as you are planning your wedding is not being organized. If you are not organized, you will quickly lose track of everything and then all the sudden have a lot of things to do last minute. As soon as you know that you are getting married, start making your plans and organizing how you are going to do everything in the most efficient way.

Many have found that using an electronic application or just a good old notepad and pen is very helpful when making a to-do list. If a person uses an electronic application, they can set reminders as to when certain things will need to be accomplished. A person can also write this down on a notepad. It is good to prioritize things so that everything works out in a smooth way. For example, you cannot start sending out wedding invitations until you know the location where the wedding and the reception will be held. So finding the wedding and reception venues is going to be one of your top priorities.

Something that many individuals have found to be extremely helpful is delegating some responsibilities to others. If you have a trusted friend or family member, let them help you. You may not have them make big decisions, but you can definitely have them help you accomplish some tasks. For example, your mother or another trusted individual may be able to help with hummer limo Virginia rental, finding a DJ, or looking around for the best person to make the cake in the area where you live. Let them do the research for you and then present you with the best options. This will save you a lot of time, and it allows individuals who you love to get involved with your wedding plans.

Many have found that once they get the big things out of the way as far in advance as possible, the closer they get to their special day, the more relaxed they feel. If you take the time to organize and prioritize all of the things that need to be done, you are likely to reduce the amount of stress you feel and enjoy your special day.

Surviving Your First Christmas After a Divorce

According to recent research at the University of Washington, March and August have continuously been the peak months for divorce during a 14-year study. Of course, a Michigan divorce can occur at any time. And regardless of when it does happen, those first holidays alone can be doozies. Here are some simple but effective ways to survive your first Christmas after a divorce.

Take Care of Yourself

The first round of holidays after a divorce can be the toughest days of your life. But the worst thing you can do is shut down. Life goes on around you, and it’s never quite as bright and cheerful as it is around the holiday season. People will want to see you and offer support, and you need that. The best way to survive your first Christmas is to take care of yourself from every angle. Focus on your health. Join a gym and get into the habit of going. Get plenty of sleep and eat right. Let your support system do their job. Give yourself permission to be happy and have fun. And if you need to, take some time daily to grieve. But then get back to living and rediscovering yourself.

Adopt a Seasonal Schedule

Perhaps you’ve always been the life of the party or hosted the holiday dinners while cooking and prepping up to the time the first guest arrives. Well, things are different now, and divorce wreaks havoc on the emotions. Chances are, you’re not thinking as clearly or reacting as quickly as you were during your happiest holiday seasons. Change is inevitable, so this doesn’t mean you can’t still do all of that… you just need to make some adjustments. Scheduling the holiday is a great way to ensure the important details are covered without over-stressing. Once everything is written down, you’ll probably realize what can be delegated to others to make things easier than ever on your end.

Be Open to New Traditions

Whether you’ve been married a month or 30 years, chances are you’ll find that your first Christmas will lack many of the traditions you’ve built with your partner. You can look at that with sadness or excitement. If you’re strong enough for the latter, consider the joy and ease this can bring to your life. Why not avoid the cost and effort of cooking for days and let someone else host the holiday dinner? Change up the decoration scheme at your home or opt for an entirely new tree theme. Don’t let the kids being with the ex get you down. Consider volunteering for a soup kitchen to help others, or go away for the holiday with a special friend.

Let Go of the Guilt

“Traditional” marriage in America still refers to households consisting of two heterosexual spouses. Fewer than 46% of kids nationwide live in such a household. That’s a drastic change compared to the 61% of kids of “traditional” families in 1980 and 73% of children of traditional households in 1960. What does this mean? It means unless you completely alienate your children from socializing, they’re aware divorce happens. Moreover, they know it’s survivable. Therefore, release the guilt you’re feeling, at least for the holidays, and don’t let the kids play the guilt card to benefit from your attempt to buy their affections or force them to see you as the holiday hero. Even if it works, it’s a temporary fix that ends up self-destructing when you finally put your foot down and stop the game.

 

There’s no doubt that your first Christmas after the divorce will be rough. Emotions will creep up out of nowhere, and time will seem to fly by. But friends and loved ones will also seem to come out of the woodwork. Focus on the bright spots of the holiday season and let your support system help you along the way. And remember, if you need more suggestions, legal assistance, or professional help to balance your emotions, your Michigan divorce attorney is just a call away.

Divorce Dynamics: Keeping Your Family Intact and Happy

imageGoing through a divorce can create a fair amount of emotional turmoil and if you don’t take steps to limit the damage to your family, it can leave a mental scar that is hard to heal.

Lawyers like slatergordon.co.uk have plenty of experience of being in the frontline and helping their clients organize a divorce settlement, but for those of us caught up in the personal battle, it can be stressful trying to keep your kids feeling safe and secure when the family dynamic is changing.

Avoid negativity

One of the most important bits of advice to take on board if you are trying to keep your family as together as possible despite going through a divorce, is to avoid any temptation to make any negative comments about your ex-partner.

There are bound to be moments of extreme anger and upset during divorce negotiations, but if your child hears a number of disparaging comments and insults about a person that they still love as much as ever, this can affect their relationship with the other parent and even upset your relationship with them.

Avoid any temptation to let your frustration and anger, as this will put your child in the middle, which is not what any wants.

Keep the love

The big message that you need to keep in mind is that spouses end up divorcing each other and not their children, so nothing should change in terms of keeping that love going and making sure your children feel as loved as much as before the divorce.

You need to reassure your child that your love for them will not diminish in any way whatsoever, despite the fact that the family unit is being broken up.

Responsible co-parenting

One of the most difficult things to agree on and arrange is a suitable co-parenting agreement.

Children can be badly affected by a divorce if they end up feeling like they are causing friction between their parents or think that they are being a burden because there are arguments over the co-parenting arrangements.

It never works if you try to use children as any sort of emotional bargaining chip, so find a way to communicate that works for both parents, so that you can co-parent your children without them feeling stressed about the discussions.

The importance of a regular routine

One of the most important ways of ensuring that the emotional damage to children during a divorce is kept to a minimum, is to try and maintain their normal routine.

Children seek reassurance in normality, and following the same school pick-up routine and meal times will help them to stay a bit calmer and less stressed, during what is a difficult time in their life.

What you are ultimately trying to do is to provide your children with as much reassurance as possible, that life will carry on as normal as possible despite the obvious change that has occurred in the family unit.

Ava Moore has worked as a relationship and divorce therapist for more years than she would care to admit! She writes about relationships and divorce for lifestyle blogs.

Image source: https://www.flickr.com/photos/127478577@N02/16246527741/sizes/m/

Handling Differences in Marriage

Upon getting married 14 years ago, I didn’t have a clue how different my husband and I were. We were both working in the IT industry, we both loved watching movies and dining out together and we both served the Lord in ministry in the same church. We generally wanted the same things in life and we loved each other. We were surrounded by our family and friends.

IMG_3844

As the days of the first years of marriage pass by, I realized that we were more different than similar. He was messy inside the house while I wanted an orderly one. He likes spicy and flavorful food while I like plain. He makes decisions impulsively and is very action oriented while I take time to decide and is more detail oriented. He looks forward to achieving his goal and seeing things done while I enjoy the journey and take my time doing things according to my schedule. He’d rather rest and sleep for vacation while I would rather travel and do some sight seeing. He needs time to spend away from the house to focus while I wondered why he had to spend money over a cup of coffee which I incidentally don’t drink. You get the idea.

If I were to wallow on our differences, I think we’d have separated by now on the grounds of irreconcilable differences. But because I believe that what God has put together man shall not separate, I looked upon what God wants me to learn from our differences. Instead of focusing how it makes me feel, or how different we were, I chose to listen to God. I prayed that God would reveal to me what I should do from my end so that our marriage would work.

I learned to be thankful. Instead of complaining of what my husband can’t do or what he doesn’t do, I chose to look upon the blessings that God has given me through him. He is a good cook – which I am not, he makes decisions quickly – which I don’t usually do, he is strong in the areas that I am weak. I realized that God put us together because He wants both of us to change and become more like Christ in and through our married life.

I learned to choose my battles. Instead of nagging all the time, I would let God deal with him. Pray for him so that he can be who God wants Him to be. Don’t get me wrong – I don’t pray so he can be changed for me but I pray that change would happen so that he would know Jesus more in his own life.  I believe that way, things will be better for us too. For the things which are important to me, those I call the non-negotiables, I let him know. Time spent with family and the kids are important so I am vocal about that but for the minor issues, I just let it pass. Communication is vital for our relationship to thrive and so that we can give what we need from each other and be respectful of each other.

Lastly, I learned that commitment takes humility and love.  It is not only about being there to celebrate the joys of life, but it is about being there through the darkest days of your partner. It is not only being able to tell what or how  you feel but it is about being able to listen without judging him. It is not only seeing the positive side of your spouse but accepting his weaknesses as well.

I believe that marriage works because Jesus is the center of it all. We as husbands and wives need to connect with Jesus intimately so we can be better husbands and wives and in turn raise healthy families. Let us turn to Jesus today.

 

Throwback Thursday: My Wedding Dress

My Throwback Thursday post this week is all about my wedding dress.

When I got married 12 years ago, I browsed through various websites looking for that perfect wedding gown. I wanted something simple and something princess-y. I spent countless hours online and offline, searching for that perfect gown for me. I searched through bridal shops in Anderson SC and local bridal shops as well. It was hard to find the perfect gown because I didn’t want backless or tube like gowns which was very common during that time.

Eventually, I was able to find that perfect gown. I had the gown made and I loved it!

It didn’t have too many flairs and it gave me the look I wanted. It was a sleeveless gown with satin cloth and a petticoat skirt underneath. I was comfortable all through out the day. It wasn’t too heavy and the train wasn’t too long. It also didn’t cost me so much and that made it even better!

After many years, as I look back on my wedding dress, I have no regrets and I am very happy with it. Through the years, I am glad that I didn’t spend so much on my dress and that I was able to find that perfect design for me.