Mommy Talks – Zoan Gonzales

Mommy Talks

This week we are going to feature another single mom, Joanne Gonzales. She is more known as Zoan to the pinay mommies community. Her main blog is ZoWanderer.com.

Chris: Welcome Zoan! Thanks for agreeing to be featured today. Please share a brief background about yourself.
Zoan: Hello, I am Zoan, 25 years old. I have one child, his name is JB. I run my own business, Coca-Cola Distributorship here in our place and I also have my little farm to keep me sane. I blog for FUN, I blog what I believe in and I blog for myself.

Chris: Can you share how you became a single mother? 
Zoan: I am not married to the father of my child. Before I gave birth I have decided that I cannot go on with the wedding rites because I am not sure if I really wanted to get married to the guy. It’s not a trial and error thing, it is asking me if I really want to get marriedto the guy and if I am willing to take the challenge and stand by my vows on my wedding day.

Chris: How did your child handle the separation? How did you explain?
Zoan: As of now, my son is still 4 years old and I he is not asking questions yet why he does not have his father with us. He is happy being with me, being with my family and he feels complete even without a father. I do not tell him directly that he doesn’t have one but I know the time will come that he will ask where is his father, eventually I will let my son meet his father in time.

Chris: Do you see any effects on your child? 
Zoan: My son is doing fine; I mean he didn’t meet his father yet because his father has not made contacts with me after our break up. I do not want my son to feel unwanted and everybody in the family loves him. I tried to text and call my ex-bf to spend some time with my son but I do not know if he just didn’t care or he has no time because we are of different places and we lived so far away from each other.

Chris: How do you raise your child as a single mother?
Zoan: At first it was so hard. I have no work, I have no other half who could help me with the expenses, but I am thankful to my parents and to my friends who were there to support me, emotionally, physically, and financially. I raise my son with the help of my family, I know sometimes he thinks of himself as the little brother in our house, he calls my mom, mom and my dad, dad. He calls my brothers, Kuya and sometimes he calls me, Ate. Though he knows that I am his mom, he teases me when he calls me Ate. I do the reward-punishment way of raising him; I also spank him when I need to. I speak to him how it is to be a good boy and I teach him to love God above all.

Chris: What is the most difficult part of being a single mom? How do you get through it?
Zoan: The most difficult part of being a single mom I believe is the part where in you finally gave birth and realize that you are alone. Why? It is so hard to adjust, it is so hard to sleep when you think of yourself and your child and that you have no other half who could share your happiness and your suffering. It was the hard part for me, because when I think of other people who have complete family members I suddenly think of myself and my son and I feel so alone. Then I realized that I do not need a husband just to be happy and just to feel complete. I have my son and I have to work hard in order for us to survive. I have my family who are there to support me all the way so why should I be looking for someone who is not there. I realized that I need to fight through life for my son and my son depends on me. A single mom needs someone to talk to and you can find them in your family and relatives. A single mom needs someone to be strong for, and believe me your child is one good reason to be strong for.

Chris: Thanks so much for sharing your life with us. I am sure a lot of moms out there learned something from your story. Do you have any messages for other moms, especially for the single parents.
Zoan: Most single parents, especially the women, tend to be ashamed because of people who say bad things about them. Believe me; I’ve been there especially that I live in rural area. But I didn’t care what they say, I didn’t mind at all. My mom told me that I already made a mistake when I committed pre-marital sex, I couldn’t afford to make another one by getting an abortion. I am thankful for my son because he is a blessing, a gift from God, and not everybody is given the chance of bearing a child, you should be thankful too. Do not be ashamed or resentful because you are a single parent, be proud that you are, and that you are able to stand up beyond people’s expectation. You need to work hard and show to them that you are capable of raising your child to be a good person and you are able to give your child everything that he/she needs in life, a shelter, and food, clothing and good education. Be proud that you are able to do all these things for your child but be humble and have faith in God.

Mommy Talks – Pepper Tan

Mommy Talks
Our guests for the month of July are single moms and today we will be featuring one of the pinay mommies from PMC  (Pinay Mommies Community), let us all welcome Ms. Pepper Tan!
Chris: Hello Pepper! For all our readers who don’t know you yet, can you please share a brief background about yourself.
Pepper: I am 35 years old. I work as a Senior Library Assistant at the International School Manila. I am a single mom, by circumstance, to a precocious 5-year old girl.

Chris: How long were you married before you and your hubby separated? How long has it been since? 

Pepper: We were married for two years before we decided to call it quits. It’s been 5 years now. I can hardly remember the reason for the separation. It’s all a blur to me now. Not because I’m bitter or anything like that, it’s just that, it’s a distant memory to me now. I guess, you could say we both made the difficult decision to give up, even if all hope wasn’t really lost.

Chris:  How did your child handle the separation? How did you explain your situation?

Pepper: Our daughter was only 11 months then. It’s only now that she’s starting to ask questions about why her daddy and I are no longer together. Here’s my blog post on that: http://pepperrific.com/2011/04/how-to-make-divorce-easy-on-children/ . The best answer I could come up with, when she first asked me that question, was that her papa has to work far away from where we live, that’s why he and I have to live apart. I guess eventually, when she gets older and wiser, I’ll have to tell her the truth…that is, if I can even remember why my ex-husband and I separated.

Chris: What are the effects on your child?

Pepper: Hard as I try to protect my kid from being affected by the situation, I can only do so much. She is starting to compare her situation with her classmates at preschool. Once, on our way home from a playdate with a friend, she asked me why her friend’s mama and papa are together, and why hers are apart. Again, I gave the the “work” reason, and I felt that slight pinch in my heart once more.

Chris: How do you raise your child as a single mother?

Pepper: There is no manual for raising kids as a single mom, so I just do whatever I can to take care of her the best way I know how. I try to shower her with so much love and affection, like she was the most precious jewel on earth. At times though, I feel frustrated when I feel I’m unable to handle certain situations, knowing that things would be better if I had a partner by my side to help me out.

Chris: Do you have a message you want to share with other moms who are in a similar situation as you are?

Pepper: We all have our own reasons for being single parents. Some of us are in this situation out of choice, some out of circumstance. Whatever our reasons, we all share something in common: we are God’s vessels of love. He has chosen us to bring our sons and daughters into this world, and to raise them into wonderful Heaven-sent beings. It’s never easy, but because we single parents are made of tougher stuff, we will succeed at carrying out God’s mission of love.

Chris: Thank you very much Pepper for sharing your life with us today. May other single moms find comfort in what you have shared today!  Get to know more about Pepper through her blog at The Pepperrific Life.