Sibling Conflict

Once my kids starts to argue, sometimes I just want to tell them to fight it out or just pretend that I don’t hear anything… but as a mom, I know that I need to teach them how to solve their conflicts and help them resolve their relationship issues.

If the solutions that I offer don’t bring lasting changes then I know that I am not doing what I am tasked to do. You see, the home is the classroom where the kids learn about how to get along with others.

This parenting tip comes from the book Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes In You and Your Kids by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

“When two children are fighting, call one out of the room and talk about how to deal with the conflict. Teach children how to confront, ignore, negotiate, compromise, talk about problems, and be peacemakers. Then send the child back into the situation to try again. If necessary, call the second child out and give helpful suggestions before trying again. Whatever you do, don’t try to discipline them together. Kids have an amazing way of deflecting discipline when they’re together.

Be listening to your children’s interaction and continue to coach them in relationships. You may call the same child out of an activity five or ten times in an hour to continue to point out the change that needs to take place. Help children know what right actions are appropriate, and as long as they are willing to try to do the right thing, send them back into the situation to try again.

Use sibling conflict to teach about healthy relationships. It takes a lot of work but you’ll be preparing your children to deal with the difficult relationships they’ll encounter for the rest of their lives.”

Do you have any similar experiences when your kids have conflict? Any tips you’d like to share?


  1. most of the time our kids fight over something, be it a a toy, the computer, or the iPad. When I hear them arguing about it, I ask for the thing they are fighting about (if it’s a toy or the iPad) and I tell them unless they share or take turns, neither of them can use it. Most of the time that scene ends up with both kids letting the other have their turn and giving in. But at times, it just doesn’t work 😛

  2. I think I would be having much of this problem in the future. I better be armed with techniques on dealing with it. Thanks for sharing! 🙂

  3. One trick I use that always works on my kids is to tell them that they will have to separate – permanently! – if they don’t make peace. Then they realize they can’t live apart from each other and they hug 🙂 I don’t know if that’s a good tip but it makes them figure out that they love each other after all.

  4. This is something I wouldn’t be able to experience because I only have one child, but this is certainly a good tip for parents with two or more children.

  5. This is a very common scenario in our home and it’s true what you shared here.
    What I’ve read somewhere is to first acknowledge how they feel, let them know you understand their feelings, and then explain if their actions were unacceptable, inappropriate, and what is the proper way to deal with the issue. Sometimes, we just let them sort out their conflict on their own. It’s a trial and error on our part too, and we learn from them as well!

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