You Don’t Want to Raise A People Pleaser

Are you the kind of parent who resorts to anger when kids don’t obey you? I’m sure we all have resorted to anger, one time or the other. I read this parenting article through email and wanted to share it with you as we all need to re-think our parenting strategy, if we don’t want our children  to become a people pleaser as they grow up.

“Many children grow up in homes where parents react with explosive anger. These children learn to make decisions based on avoiding the next angry outburst. Unfortunately they then may grow up to be people pleasers.

Anger appears to work in the short run. It gets kids moving or motivates them to stop and listen. But in the end, it damages a child’s decision-making ability.

Instead of becoming people pleasers, children need to learn how to make decisions based on values and convictions. How do children learn to do that? It comes when parents discipline with firmness and love. But many parents are unsure what that means in practical terms.

What parents need is a plan. Developing consequences that touch a child’s heart is a challenge but the extra time invested pays off. Parenting is hard work and a plan keeps a mom or dad on track. We find that many parents who don’t have a plan resort to anger as a primary consequence.

Anger may come naturally, but we aren’t parenting just for convenience. At least we shouldn’t be. We’re parenting for the long term. When you take the extra time to develop a plan for real heart change, children grow up with the tools they need to be successful in life.

Take some extra time and look for proactive ways to develop character in your children. It will change your children and it will change you. No longer will you have to resort to anger to get things done. Now you have a plan that will mold and guide your children both now and for the future.”

This tip came from the book, Good and Angry, Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids, by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.


  1. It is really hard to teach children. I think the best way is to discipline them in a manner that they will enjoy.

  2. unconsciously, i sometimes tend to get angry when kids don’t listen but i also realized it has the tendency to backfire. either they use anger as well to deal with difficult situation or ,yeah, they become people /mommy pleaser which is not healthy. now, i try my very best to use positive reinforcement. Thanks for sharing.

  3. I must admit, I am guilty of such act every once in awhile. 🙁

  4. i will take note on this =) thank you

  5. It is timely you are talking about people pleaser, and we felt that we just met a person who is just a total people pleaser. Yes, it is important to stand up for what you believe in, even if you are the only one standing.

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