Persevering in Communication

I got this from an email subscription and thought of sharing it with you… it has nice insights about communication…

Some parents lose their desire to communicate on a deeper level because their children reject their opinions, feelings, or initiative. That hurts. It may take a while for your children to see you’re trying to connect in significant ways. You may have to discipline a child for insensitivity or meanness, but continue to explain to your kids what you’re doing. Children often resist love when they need it the most.

To help you persevere in difficult relationships where you feel like you’re not making progress, consider Colossians 3:22–24 “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.”

When you try to go deeper in a relationship, you may not experience many rewards at first. Keep going, knowing you’re doing the right thing and pleasing the Lord. Look to him for approval instead of to the relationship for rewards. That provides inner strength to continue on even after you feel like quitting.

Communication in any relationship takes work. It’s nice when someone will listen to you and allow you to pour out your thoughts, hopes, and feelings. Listening is a servant task requiring concentrated effort and creativity to get around the barriers and mine fields that can come up. Do the hard work in this area, though, and you’ll see positive results.

This parenting tip is from the book, Parenting is Heart Work by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

Three Ideas For Good Communications

I received this from an email subscription. I am excited to share this tip with you. I learned something, I hope you do too!

Three Ideas for Good Communications

Learn How to Start
The way you present an issue often determines the response. Sometimes it’s best to address a problem immediately, while other times waiting a few hours is more appropriate. Wisely choose a time, place, and approach with the goal of not just rebuking, but correcting, and finding resolution. “Lisa, I’d like to talk about the way you treated me earlier. Is now a good time or should we talk after dinner?”

Learn When to Stop
Once a dialogue has developed, have discernment to know when to stop. Some parents feel like they must win an argument or come to resolution by the end of the conversation so they end up pushing too hard. Other times emotions get too involved. Still other parents end a simple correction with preaching, bringing up the past, or making exaggerated statements about the offense.

In any case, it’s important for parents to know when to take a break or simply stop the conversation. “I think we better stop here.. Things are getting pretty tense. We need to continue this conversation, but let’s take a break for now. Maybe we’ll think of some other ideas in the meantime to help resolve this problem.” Learning when to stop during conflict is a very important skill.

Learn How to Listen
Conflict represents opportunity. Children watch parents handle conflict and observe how they resolve differences. Listening and affirming a young person’s thinking is an honoring step in conflict management.

“I understand you’d discipline your sister differently. Your ideas make sense. At this point, I have to make the decision and I’m going to emphasize something different, but I appreciate your ideas.” Affirming or validating a child’s thinking or reasoning is helpful for their development.

As you dialogue with your kids, you must learn to tolerate criticism. Many discussions you have will open the door for your teen to criticize you. Don’t feel threatened or take these jabs personally. Use them to discuss issues and explain your decisions. If you can be transparent enough to use yourself as an example, your children will learn much more about life.

This parenting tip is taken from the book, Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, In You and Your Kids by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN. It’s a book about honor and talks about how we treat one another inside and outside the family.

Relationship Makes Kids More Responsive

I received this from an email group I am subscribed to and when I got the go signal to share it, I am excited to share this tip with you. I learned something, I hope you do too!

Many parents see a problem and start giving instructions immediately. This often means that they yell across the parking lot or bark commands from the other side of the house. We believe this approach isn’t the best. It’s not enough to see the need and tell someone to respond to it. That approach doesn’t demonstrate value for the relationship. Parenting isn’t just about getting tasks done; it’s about building relationships at the same time.

Start by getting close to your child. Most of the time this means that before you give an instruction you call your child over to you. This presents a problem in many young families because preschoolers often don’t come when they’re called. The fact is, even older children don’t come when they’re called unless they are taught to do so.

Take time to teach your children how to come when you call them. It takes practice but it’s well worth the work. Parents often ask, “What do I do in the grocery store when I call my preschooler and he runs away?” Well, the grocery store isn’t the place to practice. That’s the final exam! By practicing over and over at home and at the park, children are then able to respond in public.

Like every step in a good instruction routine, getting close to each other requires changes from both child and parent. Children also find it tempting to yell across the house. Now children learn that dialogue only takes place when relationship has been established through eye contact and being physically close together. Sometimes it’s the small things that demonstrate that a parent cares or that a child is willing to listen. Putting down the paper, looking up from the computer, or just turning to face your child before you speak communicates the importance of what you are about to say.

Some parents report major improvement in a child’s responsiveness when they just implement this step and give instructions only when the child is within a few feet. Sometimes that little nonverbal statement about your relationship is all that’s needed to gain a more cooperative attitude from your child.

And what if that doesn’t work? Well, it’s only the first step. Four more steps are yet to come and you can read about them in the book, Good and Angry, Exchanging Frustration for Character In You and Your Kids by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

Talking To Toddlers

I would like to share with you something I have learned from Talking To Toddlers. Sometimes, my toddler doesn’t want to oblige with a command. I have learned from Talking To Toddlers that I can use double binds. What is a double bind? It creates an illusion of choice. For example, your kids doesnt want to fix the room. You can say “do you want to fix your room now before we eat or after?” Actually, what you are doing is making the action look like it was the choice of the kid. I have tried it and it usually works!

I have mentioned this in my previous post on communication and the tips I am getting from Talking To Toddlers actually works!

Note: This is not a paid posting.

Am I Getting Through?

Our kids have different personalities and as moms, it is our job to connect to them whatever their personality is. Sometimes, because of these personality differences, it comes out to outsiders that we have personal favorites. When in fact, we are just relating to each one according to each personality type.

With my eldest daughter, I didn’t really had a hard time since she listens to me and she is a logical thinker. I just need to be able to explain things to her and once she understands, it is easy for her to follow.

As for my little boy who is now 2 years old, I need to understand how to effectively communicate to him. He is very playful and can come across as naughty. I still am learning his behavior and his personality. So I was really glad when I came across this Talking to Toddlers series. It is an audio course about terrible twos and using effective communication with toddlers. I am only halfway through the course, but I have been practicing what I have learned, so far, most of it is working!

I am excited to be able to finish the course and apply what I’ve learned to effectively communicate with my 2 year old. Eventually, I can also share some pointers with you.

Note: This is not a paid posting.